i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
