I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
