I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
