i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
