At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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