the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
