Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
