No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
