Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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