like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
