i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
