she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
