I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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