She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
