I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
