remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
