I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
it hurts more in the daytime
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
