Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(619): View more from California

The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table

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(410): View more from Maryland

Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.

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(709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.

(1-215): View more from Pennsylvania

welcome to the club.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.

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(775): View more from Nevada

You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...

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(732): View more from New Jersey

What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.

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(619): View more from California

she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away

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