I look better un-naked...
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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