When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
