Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
It's shark week go big or go home
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
