theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize