I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
