You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
