I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I just googled if crying burns calories
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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