Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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