I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Randomize
