Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
