I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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