Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
