he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
