Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
