Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
