Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
