careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize