Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize