im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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