I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
