Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
