I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
