I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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