Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
