At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
