KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
