Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
