I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
worst night to have a conscience
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
