i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
