How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
