it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
