My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
