i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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