are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
this will be a night to untag.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
