my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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