Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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