I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize