you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
