She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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