Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
