Can i not drive my cunt home
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
