I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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