She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize