nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
