Plan B is the new Plan A
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
