Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
