he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Randomize
