When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
