Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Cover your peen. We're going out.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize