I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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