I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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