I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
