Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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