dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
