first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
How naked do you want me to be?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
