Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
