I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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