I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize