Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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