no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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